Why does it always happen to ME?
That’s a damned good question and one that is asked regularly by many people!
Sometimes, the proverbial does happen, and there’s not a lot we can do about it. However, have you ever thought that maybe your thinking could be contributing to that scenario?
Many people think in the negative – about what they don’t want, rather than what they do want. Focusing on the pain, rather than the pleasure, focusing on the past rather than the future.
If we spend all our time looking backwards, looking over our shoulder, why are we then surprised when we walk into a tree!
If all you talk about & hear about is doom & gloom in the economy, then is is surprising that you will feel fearful & gloomy? The media have a lot to answer for!
How often do you hear a good news news item? If you do, its usually one out of 30! (perhaps we could start up a Good News TV Channel – do you think anyone would watch it??)
The problem often lies in our subconscious minds, which are a bit stupid in many ways. The subconscious can be convinced of things without a lot of evidence. Have you ever woken up from a dream, & it felt so real you seriously wondered during the following day that perhaps it really did happen?
When you think about something, your subconscious suddenly becomes more aware of it, and prompts you to look for it. You suddenly start noticing things you hadn’t noticed before. Some might say that you attract those things.
For example, a friend gets pregnant – suddenly, without thinking about it, you find yourself noticing pregnant people everywhere! You’re thinking of getting a 4WD vehicle – suddenly they are everywhere you look! Your mate points out someone’s dodgy mullet – suddenly there are dodgy mullets all around you! Doom & gloom in the economy – everything is suddenly due to that, and it’s everywhere when you hadn’t noticed before. You are tuning in to what your subconscious is thinking about.
How often do you hear people saying things like: I don’t want to lose my money. I don’t want to feel miserable any more. I should have done that, I really screwed that up. I don’t want to be with someone who mistreats me. I’m fed up with this job; I don’t want to be here any more. I hate the cold weather. No-one ever seems to have anything good to say.
What the subconscious mind hears is “lose money”, “feel miserable”, “I really screwed up”, “mistreats me”, “fed up” etc. It doesn’t recognise the “don’t”.
How much easier is it to say what you don’t like/want, rather than saying what you do like/want?
Try this practical exercise: tell yourself now – preferably aloud (not in the office, perhaps!): “I’m a loser. I’m pathetic. Everyone hates me.” Focus on what you feel and say it all 10 times. How do you feel? What’s happened to your body? I bet your body has hunched over, your shoulders have become rounded, and you’re more slumped in your chair. Your head has probably dropped forward. You probably feel a bit flat, tired, jaded…
Now tell yourself 10 times, focusing on what you feel: “I’m strong. I’m powerful. People like me. I’m a good person. I can get that business in!” Now how do you feel? What’s happened to your body? I bet you’re sitting more upright, your head will be higher, your body may feel more relaxed, & you may even be smiling (and feeling embarrassed if someone in the office has just asked you what the hell you are doing!).
Now read this again: I don’t want to lose my money. I don’t want to feel miserable any more. I should have done something different, I really screwed that up. I don’t want to be with someone who mistreats me. I’m fed up with this job; I don’t want to be here anymore. I hate the hot weather. No-one ever seems to have anything good to say.
How do you feel after reading that? What’s your body doing?
The point here is that you can convince yourself of all sorts of things on an unconscious level just by what you think and say, and especially how you say it. That in turn affects your feelings, your posture, your confidence, your actions, how you approach life – and in business, whether or not people will buy from you!
Try voicing things in the positive, saying what you do want. I want to do… (rather than ‘I don’t want…’). I want a job where I feel valued. I’ll learn from that & do it different next time. I want a partner who appreciates me and values me. Some people have good things to say. I’d rather you did/said this. I love the sunshine & the warmth!
How different are these messages?
Go & listen to what you say & how you say it. Turn the negative way of saying things around to reflect the more positive side – say & think what you DO want, rather than what you don’t, the positive rather than the negative. It will take a good deal of effort, but the rewards will be huge.
Now you’ve read this article, what are you actually going to DO? Stop now & think for 2 miniutes, then write down 2 specific actions you will do as a result of reading this…
i.e. 1. for the next 24 hours, I will say what I DO want instead of what I don’t.
2. If I hear myself saying "don’t", I will stop & rephrase the comment in the positive.
Go on! Do it now!
Southern Cross Coaching & Development incorporates practical tips & hints like this into our coaching – when necessary. It’s all part of what we do to help you make a difference in what you do.
We also hold you accountable to get you into doing things – we are your unreasonable best friends!
Please contact us for more details.
Tags: Add new tag, Business Coaching, Career Coaching, Executive Coaching, Simon Smith, Team Coaching